Looking for someone to eat dinner with - for the next 50 years

My friends will be happy that I’ve started this blog. They’ve been telling me for years that I should be sharing my hilarious, calamity-filled, and sometimes awful dating experiences with the world. Though I will admit, that some of them have already been blogged about by other friends and have since become notorious within my social circles.

It’s true, I’ve been high-fived (repeatedly … during a rather benign discussion on politics), hit on several times by the same guy on the same Internet-dating site without him realizing it, I’ve been stood up, hunted down at work (gotta love Google and working in PR, it doesn’t take long these days), and told that because I didn’t tell a guy within 36 hours that I wanted to go out with him again (after a first date) I was obviously not date-worthy material.

It makes me wonder why I bother. Having many guy friends ranging from total dirt bags to saints I’m not really sure. For my saint-like friends I think they’re the ideal to search for. They treat women well, are chivalrous, respect their opinion, are honest and good, don’t shy away from discussing their feelings, etc. But, I know them so well that I can’t say I’m interested in the bazillion tunes they have on their iPod or becoming part of wing night with the guys. For the DBs of the world who can be great friends but treat the women they date with complete disdain – I mean, heaven forbid that a woman actually like them because that would only show their weakness and inferiority now wouldn’t it? – I know enough to stay far, far, far away. Which leaves me wondering, what’s in the middle and do I want it?

I have several people in my life who are engaged, getting married, or tackling the ups and downs of togetherness and while I look around and see some really great examples of what a “til death do you part” relationship can look like, I can’t say that there’s one that makes me think, “Yup, that’s exactly what I want. That, right there.” Not one gives me feelings of jealousy or loneliness, inferiority or perplexity. Sometimes I think “that’s nice” or “I’m so happy for them” but none of it speaks to me.

Maybe it’s because my parents have been married for over thirty years and seem to be making it through to the other side. I mean, how could you embark on something with that as a benchmark? On the other hand, maybe it’s seeing so many of my thirty-something friends now getting divorced after less than 10 years, ahem ok five years of marriage. Some are even getting married again, like they didn’t learn the first time!

I think there are a lot of things marriage can bring – financial and emotional stability, a partner to help navigate life, someone to have children or a dog with, someone to help through life’s generalities – but is that a compelling enough list to put up with your husband coming home drunk and tossing his cookies at 3 a.m. after a night with the boys as one friend recently witnessed, or him having to put up with a moodier version of you who has gained 5 pounds and is now feeling pretty crappy and has a 24/7 “headache.” I can’t say I know. I can say I’ll keep searching.